LETTER TO MOTHER ON THE ULLAMBANA SEASON
Author: Viên Bảo Chiếu
English interpreter: Bhikkhuni Viên Quang
Dear Mom,
Today is the first time I write to you. Really, I don't know how to start. For more than 30 years I have lived with my mom, but I have never felt the deep meaning of the phrase “Dear Mother”. Now far away from you, I suddenly realize that I was very happy when I still have mom in my life. Is it not too late for me to write these lines to my mom, is it?
Going back into my memory, I still remember when I passed the entrance exam to the first grade of Lê Quý Đôn school, at the time I was a very little girl to enter the classroom, Mother was the one who bought a squid basket for me. Every afternoon I was always the last child to sit at the school gate waiting for you to pick me up. How happy I was when I caught a glimpse of your beautiful long dress from far away. As soon as I got on the cycle, I was able to show off to you my achievement in class. Every month, I received a certificate of credit, so I asked you reward me, you always gave me small gifts such as a ruler, a box of colored pencils, sometimes it is a lettuce or a toy which I dream of.
Everyone told me that I have the same short size like you and I also inherited the diligence and studiousness from you, only my characteristics is contrary to you. How calm down and endured, you are, then how hyperactive and impulsive I am! And I know many times my temper have hurt you, didn’t it?
In the sixth grade, I moved to Bùi Hữu Nghĩa school, near the school where you were teaching. Every afternoon after school, I walked to Gia Long School to wait for you. This time after 1975, our financial situation began to deteriorate, so you were much sicker and thinner than before. Yet I am very carefree, besides learning and playing, I did not know what to do to help you. Even with my hyperactivity, I always argued with you, sometimes to teased you ... Do you still hate this unruly child, Mom?
Time continued passing, I grew up just like the wrinkles on your forehead. Our family at that time was extremely destitute that the wedding ring on Mother's hand was gone. One afternoon, after going home from school, because I was tired and hungry I went to kitchen and saw only a vegetable dish on the meal table, suddenly I snapped at you. There were times I refused to eat so that you must use a soft voice to beg me to eat so that I can be able to go to school the next day. How was I so unconscionable and heartless to you? I can only blame myself – a bad child ...?
Then I graduated from the 12th grade. At the big door of university, I felt puzzled. Our house does not meet a rich standard, so it is difficult for me to enter any school. At this crossroad, my mentor was also my Mother. You advised me to study Medicine. Being hyperactive, I criticized your advice, and belittled calling it as poor, bored, passive, etc... You were always a gentle voice to tell me, “Females following the pharmaceutical industry is more suitable. As a pharmacist, you directly help many suffering patients. I hope that one day you will recognize that my advice is true.” And perhaps, that was the first time that I have followed your words...
The five years I was busy in my acedamics at university, it was the time you alone earned money to feed the whole family while there was nothing left to sell in our house. Your teaching salary was not enough for a breakfast for your children. Yet - I was still unintentionally unassuming - I only knew how to put my head into books without thinking how to do anything else to help you – our dear mother. Am I too heartless, Mom? At the day of the pharmacist graduation, the school sent an invitation to you. I still remembered that day you fell too ill to go. I just reminded you to take medicine and then I was hurried to ride to school with my friend because we were afraid of being late. I did not even cook for you a rice soup. Do you blame this filialless child, Mother ...?
The first time I received my salary, I eagerly took my friends to a treat, without thinking to buy a bunch of cloth or a shirt for you. At that time, you stopped to teach because our family applied for an abroad immigrant visa. Until now, I still failed to understand those hard years, where and how did you earn to feed five to seven children, Mother? I was lucky to have a good job. My pharmacist salary at that time was quite good, but I had never bought a gift for you. With a good position of a person who can be able to earn, I gradually became negligent of you, even many times I was irritated, mixed-up, rebutted, and hurt you much. Every time I took you to go somewhere, I always grumbled that you walked slowly but I didn't know that your backache was getting worse day by day because of us-your children.
Then when we came abroad country, you got older and your back became more shackled. You spoke less and wanted to cower in your elderly shell, when in fact that your children were too busy to have time for you. Then Mother went to the temple, took refuge, and continued to advise your children to make good and avoid evil. I was busy competing with work. You advised me to know how to stop and rest in mindfulness. I stumbled in life, you were always beside me to support my spirit. Sometimes I hated someone, I found a way to retaliate, and you gently told me to remove this temper. Your heart is not only immense for your children but also for everyone whom you met.
Being away from you, I could recognize that I'm still a very small child. In the afternoon, when I came home from work, I could no longer hear you familiar voice, "Take lunch dear, today I cooked a sour soup that you like." After tasting many dishes in many restaurants, I concluded that the food you cooked for us were so delicious, but at that time I belittled at it. Now I’m far away from you, I recognized how the love, care you’ve given us was necessary for our sense of well-being in life.
This afternoon in the hospital, I was invited to translate for a patient who did not understand English. The woman was about the same age as you who was also short, small, and calm like you. As soon as she saw me, she clung tightly to my shirt sleeve and said, "Miss, please you tell to the doctor that let me go home, because I’m so lonely here..." I felt my heart ache and asked “Do you have any children and grandchildren at home?” Her tears filled her eyes: “My two children went away to work, I was sick, but they cannot come back to care for me. I stayed home alone, but here in hospital I feel more lonely…” I was thinking of you. Now I am thirty years old, what did I ever do for you to make you happy? Tomorrow when Mom is sick, will I be able to make it in time? Mother, do you know that I now understand what happiness is when I directly provide help for a suffering patient. It is my obeying your advice that today I have a different view, a more compassionate heart about people ... Thank you, Mother, our beloved Mother!
When I recently graduated from school, I used to be proud of what I achieved because it came from my sweat and struggle. But now, having experienced so many ups and downs in life, I understand that without a Mother's love, I would not have grown up, and certainly would not have been here today ...
How many Vu Lan seasons were passed! I have still been too busy to go to the temple with you. This holiday season, I will fly to you. You and I will go to temple, and I will be glad when I have a red rose to pin at your dress. Your most stubborn child will return to apologize to you. It is still not too late, is it? This year's gift for you on the Vu Lan season I will not buy with money, but with all my gratitude and love. The card with a rose, and my careful handwriting:
... There is a fairy tale for many people
A beautiful princess or
Once there was a king
While my fairy tale is
THE DAY WE HAVE A MOM...
Whom I love the most in the world, Mother...
(Offering it to all Vietnamese Mothers)
